Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
