In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
