I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
