Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
