I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
