i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
