I look better un-naked...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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