Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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