Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
