I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
