Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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