On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize