thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
