If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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