my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
