The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
