Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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