I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?