I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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