no, he came in my armpit
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter