I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.