if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
