My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.