Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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