This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
