At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
