I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
