I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
