I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
