Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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