Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
