Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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