Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
