And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
