I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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