don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
