sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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