Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
