Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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