I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize