it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
