my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm bleeding and have questions
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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