i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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