She's JV to your varsity
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Quick, to the slutcave!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
