Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
