help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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