i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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