i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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