I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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