No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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