So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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