I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
