I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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