Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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