finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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