so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
