I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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