i think my mom watched the whole time
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
