thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
