I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
