is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
false alarm, still single
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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