I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
