woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
two words: eviction party
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
