I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
