I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
