he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
