He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
