Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
