I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
