He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
