You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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