umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
