mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
