You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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