How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
